Speaker 1: The Missouri State Journal, a weekly program keeping you in touch with Missouri State University.
Nicki Donnelson: When you think back to your childhood, what do you remember? Some of it may be sweet, funny, poignant, glimpses of places and people, and other memories may be words you live by. Paul Kincaid, staff emeritus of Missouri State University, recently released a biography about his father, a compilation of vignettes about the life lessons and memories shared over a lifetime. He is my guest today on The Missouri State Journal. 
Paul Kincaid: Well my whole career has been built on the fact of finding good stories and telling good stories, and that's been about the universities I've worked with, and the faculty, and the staff, and the students, and the alums, and the donors, but finding a good story has always been the goal. It just occurred to me that this was a good story. 
A lot of people, I'd call it filibuster life, they put off things and try to find reasons not to do things, and he didn't filibuster life. He lived it fully and lived it a lot more years than he thought he would and I think enjoyed life. 
Nicki Donnelson: In A Perfectly Imperfect Dad, he remembers a man who worked hard, had high expectations of his five sons, and taught the boys to see the humor in situations. 
Paul Kincaid: There were lots of times when my brothers and I would look at each other after my dad did something and we'd say to each other, remind me not to do that anymore. But when it came to being a dad, we paid attention because he did a good job with that, and he was somebody that we could emulate with our own children. We knew that at the time, but as you get older and you have your own kids and you have perspective, it kind of hits you that we really had a pretty good deal.
Nicki Donnelson: Kincaid's father, who passed in 2015, grew up in the Great Depression. He, like many people, decided to flip the script. When he had kids, the situation would be different and better, and so would his relationship with his sons. Kincaid says, "He's certainly succeeded, even if he wasn't perfect." 
Paul Kincaid: His experience was a negative experience when he was growing up. He had a bad relationship with his own father and there were a couple incidents, which I describe in the book, that caused him to commit to being a good dad and doing for his kids whenever they came, what his father didn't do for him. He used a negative experience and didn't let it define him, but it inspired him. He tried to do what he wanted his dad to do for him, he wanted to that for his children, and he succeeded in that. 
I think all of us, technology changes and your life experiences change and one of the things I always tell people, when we grew up, it was nip and tuck about whether you get back with the car you went out in because we didn't have a lot of money so we had bad cars, and we had bad tires, and it was like rolling the dice about whether you'd get it to start or get it to start when you're ready to come home. So as a result, when I had my own kids, I made sure they had good cars with good tires and dependable, reliable cars, and so I think the pendulum always swings and you're always kind of a product of your own upbringing, largely I think you swing back and try to make sure your own kids don't have that same negative experience.
Nicki Donnelson: As a parent, it's sometimes difficult to see your baby grow up, but Kincaid said that his father let their relationships evolve over the lifetime, which garnered mutual respect.
Paul Kincaid: Sometimes I think, we as parents, we are good with young children and we're good up to a certain age and then we don't let the relationship mature and become, you know it never equals probably, but more of a person to person relationship, having perspective and a few years now, that's something I admire. He allowed the relationship to mature and we were as good of friends, but in much different ways as older adults, as we were when we were growing up. I really admired that. 
Nicki Donnelson: One valuable life lesson Kincaid shares in his book is that you need to evaluate people based on the total package. He says his father was very good at that and it made an impact on how Kincaid interacts with people every day. 
Paul Kincaid:Then he was very good about letting us fail. We failed lots of times and we goofed up lots of times and the one thing that he was good about, he didn't let that define how he felt about us. He understood that we're going to mess up. He tried to make sure it wasn't terrible things and long-lasting things, but we goofed up plenty and we did a lot of weird things as five growing up boys, took lots of chances, and did lots of things that got us hurt, either in athletics or in construction jobs or whatever. He always took that in stride and understood that was just part of growing up and part of becoming a man.
Nicki Donnelson: That was Paul Kincaid, former Director of University Relations at Missouri State University. His book, A Perfectly Imperfect Dad, is available now from all major booksellers. You can also learn more and purchase the book at kincaidcommunications.com. I'm Nicki Donnelson of The Missouri State Journal.
Speaker 1: For more information, contact the Office of University Communications at 417-836-6397. The Missouri State Journal is available online at ksmu.org.